What They Don't Tell You About the First Year of Marriage
It’s crazy for me to believe, but Luke and I celebrated our first year of marriage on Sunday.
Time flies when you’re having fun!
For our wedding, we created the hashtag #PapiliEverAfter. It was created at first to curate any photos our guests took at the wedding, but working in social media, I quickly realized it was a hashtag that could be used beyond the wedding day. An evergreen way to curate a personal library of photos shared across platforms, if you will.
When you are engaged, you get a lot of advice (a lot). Some unsolicited, some expected. You hear lots of stories about people’s first years of marriage and memories that are unforgettable years later. You get a lot of generic advice like “don’t go to bed angry” and “things you found cute will start to annoy you,” but honestly, there are things no one really tells you about the first year of marriage.
And that’s why I’m here today.
To tell you what they don’t tell you about the first year of marriage, so I, too, can share advice and stories to those who didn’t necessarily ask for it.
Changing your name is no easy feat
The name change starts on your wedding day, but it doesn’t end until most likely a few months later. I had no idea what I was in for when I wanted to change my last name, and I never realized how many things had my last name on it until I went to go update everything. My email address, social handles, driver’s license, social security card, my website…the list goes on and on (and on and on). Be prepared to go to the DMV multiple times and make sure to bring a copy of your marriage certificate with you EVERYWHERE.
You both need more grace than you think
You’re not perfect, and neither is your spouse. I don’t believe in a “honeymoon phase,” because it suggests that eventually, you don’t love your spouse as much as you did when you first got married. The “honeymoon phase” should last forever, even in the nitty gritty moments of life. You should always be showing love to another, and showing grace. Love isn’t a feeling, it’s action, and that action should never stop regardless of how long you're married. Because truth is, you both need more grace and love than you think, because as hard as this may be to believe, neither of you are perfect.
You’ll notice each other’s quirks
Everyone has their quirks. I have to press the “lock” button on my car at least three times. Luke keeps all the kitchen cabinet doors open when he cooks. We have quirks, and the first year of marriage brings those to the forefront. You notice them more and you can choose whether or not to let them annoy you. For example, instead of getting annoyed that the cabinet doors are all open, I choose to remember that open kitchen cabinets mean Luke’s home and we’re about to enjoy a meal together.
Day-to-day life should not replace date night
One of the best things about being married is living with your best friend. When we were dating, we looked forward to Friday and Saturday nights because those were “date nights” for us, nights we removed ourselves from the day-to-day lives apart to focus on each other. When you’re married, “date night” doesn’t seem necessary since you see each other every day. However, we quickly realized just how important date night is, even in marriage. It’s important for us to “date” each other, to continually prioritize our relationship and have fun together. Although we don’t necessarily go out every week, we intentionally make it a priority to set aside time together to “date our spouse.”
You don’t have to do everything together
One of the things I see when people get married is they forget about their individual hobbies. I’ve seen couples forfeit their personal interests because they were hobbies that didn’t involve their spouse. Although there is a time and place for that, I think it’s important to have separate interests or hobbies, as well as, things you do together. For example, I enjoy blogging, playing piano, and shopping at Marshall’s (yes it’s a hobby), whereas Luke enjoys photography and videography.
It’s a lot better than what people tell you
To be honest, marriage is a lot better than what people say. It truly is the best being married to your best friend. I love laughing and having inside jokes. I love knowing what Luke’s thinking with just a look. I love coming home to cook together and watch Friends and talk about our days. I love the hard days, too, because you’re never alone in them.
Marriage is a lot of work and it’s not easy. You’re different and sometimes you won’t see eye-to-eye. You’ll have days when you’re hard to love, and vice versa. You’ll have days when you need more grace than you think. But I promise you, marriage is totally, completely, 100% worth fighting for. It’s truly the best thing ever.